Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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