he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
