I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
