Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
