i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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