am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
