I'm eating all of the evidence.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Randomize
