I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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