I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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