He disabled his match.com account in front of me
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize