Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
