I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
