Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I can't turn off my feet"
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize