Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize