I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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