i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Congratulations! We have a period
I'm always down for nudity.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
