the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize