I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
