I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
