one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
