He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
