the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
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