If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
and she was petting her beer can
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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