He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize