i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
