i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize