Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
