I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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