First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
