I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize