Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
