I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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