Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize
