i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize