Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
