chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
