Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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