Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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