Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
