I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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