he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
