I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
