rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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