wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
