Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
