I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
