no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
