My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
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