She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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