i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
should my penis look like a turkey
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
