ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
