He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
