i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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