An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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