I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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