i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
