"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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