Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
