we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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