I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
