walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
