i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
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