Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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