I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Randomize
