I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
