the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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