Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
