Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
