I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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