PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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