dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
