He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
