you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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