New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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