so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
