3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
