Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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