She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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