this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
