Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
