chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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