Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
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